Philosophical Daydream

Well I rode into a town about four oh five a.m.
Upon a hippie donkey who was cluckin’ like a hen
Who was flyin’ like a penguin which means he didn’t fly at all
So I took him to the stable where he laid down in a stall
But I’d forgotten I was supposed to disembark from his back
So I fell into the tack room where I landed on a tack

After screaming seven hours I began to ease my mind
But I still could not sit down yet ‘fore I had a sore behind
So I began to walk out to the street to see what I could see
When a pole made out of telephones began to hit my knees
So I began politely to curse that telephone pole
When my donkey came out of the barn
and pushed me through a door

I was gettin’ pretty flustered by this time you’ll understand
So I stumbled through a doorway and I bumped into a man
Who must have weighed a million tons if he had weighed a pound
So I ran out to the telephone pole and we had another round
Then the sun began to rise I knew that soon it would be day
I saw my fingernails were dusty and my teeth were turning gray

So I went lookin’ for a shoeshine boy who gave out tradin’ stamps
When I stumbled through some bushes
and I found a Girl Guide camp
Where the little girls in blue were shoutin’ “We’ve got puberty,
Ban the bomb but not the pill and ban the belts of chastity”
Now on hearing’ that I found I was encouraged to impose
And before I could contain myself I found I had arose

Into the open right before their eyes, they gave a cry of glee
And then twenty thousand Girlie Guides came runnin’ after me
At the time I did not feel inclined to leave the scene
So I threw my clothes onto the shore and jumped into a stream
And the girls they did the same just as fast as they could
And they all tried to save me just like every Girl Guide should


Well they pulled me to the shore and they began to rub my back
And my legs and my stomach and my, no, can’t talk about that
‘Twas becoming most enjoyable, my eyes were closed in bliss
And then I found out that my face had just connected with a fist
Belongin’ to the Girl Guide leader who stood about six feet four
And I ran to find my pants or should I say to find my drawers

Well it really doesn’t matter ‘cause you know what I mean
It’s not proper not to have them on not even if you’re clean
That is especially in a Girl Guide camp in the middle of the day
And more important when their six foot four
leader comes your way
Then a couple of the girls who sympathized with my condition
Told me to stay with them while they hid me in the bushes

When everything was calming down and I was left alone
With the two little Girlie Guides who were so far from home
I was tempted strong to ask them what today was all about
But I hadn’t much time and I knew I’d better get out
Of these bushes before the monsters tried to eat me alive
So I went back to the stable where I had my donkey tied

So we rode into the sunset just like Audie Murphy
I kept wonderin’ about my fingernails, they still looked dirty
And I know I’m not too certain
‘bout the things the girl guides said
But all that I’m sure of is it started in a bed
And it started with a hen that laid an egg one day
‘Cause a rooster laid the hen, and that’s all I’ve got to say